and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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