Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
