last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
