i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
