Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
