i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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