Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
