her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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