No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
