You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Two words: blizzard sex
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
