I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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