don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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