We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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