idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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