I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
All I want is dick and wine.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
