nutella sex= disaster
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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