His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
