Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
