Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
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Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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