forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
