I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize