Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
