i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
