Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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