what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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