Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize