Can Purell be used as lube?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He felt like a one man threesome
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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