I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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