drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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