Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
