Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
