just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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