remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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