This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
All the doctor said was why
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
