how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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