Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
