The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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