handjob tips. give me some.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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