Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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