Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
