Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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