you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
