Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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