Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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