And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
