there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
