i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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