does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
