Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
