He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
