dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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