is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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