he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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