It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Randomize
