got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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