You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
