I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just cut my nipple shaving
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
