Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize