Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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