just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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