I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
