you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
