I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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