If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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