Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
