I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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