Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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