Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
