I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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