her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
