He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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