Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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