Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
