I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
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am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
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