I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
