toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think I am morally bankrupt
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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