she woke up with a sticky ear
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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