Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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