he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
