This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
