does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
