After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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