Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
