Cold hands, warm shart.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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