Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
